Big Baby —

emotionterrain

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Toastmasters Research Project

Emotional Intelligence a.k.a. People Smarts, with a focus on becoming more self aware in order to become less self centered.

The following information is not a transcript of the speech video. This blog post is here to provide additional details, and a list of the reference material where I did most of the research.

Please see the video on LinkedIn.

The Grammarian had chosen “retrospective” as the word of the day, so that is why everyone was tapping on the table when I included it in my speech.

The challenge is to do a self awareness exercise for 30 days. Pick a time of the day when you will journal the emotions you had in the last 24 hours. You may find the above image helpful in finding more precise words to describe your emotions. Note: The blog just shows a thumbnail, so if you download the image then you will have higher resolution to zoom in.

One related concept from “The Communication Catalyst:”

Anti-amygdala: The amygdala is the part of the brain that provides the automatic response to any perception of attack. This response happens regardless of whether the attack is real or imagined, physical or verbal, local or remote. These hormones create the physical preparation for our defence for the attack. Sometimes, this preparation is counter-productive. One of the best ways to bypass the effects of this system, when those effects are unwanted, is to ask yourself a question that requires a concrete answer. In many interactions, it can also be beneficial to acknowledge our emotional state. So, a very effective method to improve interpersonal communication is to discuss and name the emotional state. This is a question that requires a factual answer, since it requires choosing a name for the emotion, plus it establishes some of the context for the encounter.

It is also greatly helpful to have a working vocabulary of the words that express emotion. This way, we not only can better evaluate and express our own emotions, but we can also assist others in expressing theirs. For example, “It seems to me like your are feeling disappointed, or is it more like anger?” Yes, the meaning of the words “disappointed” and “anger” are quite common knowledge. The point here is not to learn rarely used words to express emotion. It is also not necessary to be able to recite the definitions of a list of words to express emotion. If I have given some thought to the meaning of these words, and considered the nuances and distinction between closely related words, then it will be easier, and more effective, for me to choose the right word for the moment.

Book sources:

  • “The Holy Bible” by God The Holy Spirit
  • “Communication Catalyst” by Mickey Connolly and Richard Rianoshek https://www.conversant.com/resources/books/
  • “The Ideal Team Player” by Patrick Lencioni https://www.tablegroup.com/books/ideal-team-player
  • “Everyone Communicates, Few Connect“ by John Maxwell 
  • “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl
  • “Emotional Intelligence 2.0” by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves
  • “Self-Esteem: By God’s Design” by Larry Day
  • “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie
  • “The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People” by Stephen Covey
  • “Magic Words” by Tim David

Film sources:

Training courses:

Psalm 42:11 Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, [who is] the health of my countenance, and my God.

Proverbs 17:22 A merry heart doeth good [like] a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.

Romans 12:15 Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.

Isaiah 26:3 Thou wilt keep [him] in perfect peace, [whose] mind [is] stayed [on thee]: because he trusteth in thee.

Ephesians 4:26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:

Psalm 144:15 Happy [is that] people, that is in such a case: [yea], happy [is that] people, whose God [is] the LORD.

Numbers 6:26 The LORD lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.

Proverbs 16:20 He that handleth a matter wisely shall find good: and whoso trusteth in the LORD, happy [is] he.

Psalm 34:18 The LORD [is] nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.

John 13:17 If ye know these things, happy are ye if ye do them.

2 Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

There are five physical senses: Sight, hearing, taste, touch, and smell. With each of these senses you can experience pleasure or discomfort. That is why the sense of direction and sense of balance are not listed among the five senses. This “expression project” is more about the emotional senses, rather than the physical senses. There are also other senses — but these ones are neither physical nor emotional, though they may be the source of some emotions:

  • Love — action based on a sense of desiring what is best for another person — a source of affection
  • Faith — decision based on a sense that the trustworthiness is reasonably credible — a source of confidence
  • Purpose — sense of calling — gift from your Creator — a source of enthusiasm
  • Peace — sense of assurance based on putting your faith into something trustworthy — a source of tranquility
  • Joy — sense of buoyancy — gift from your Saviour — a source of happiness
  • Hope — faith in the future — a source of optimism
  • Confusion — sense of bewilderment — can be a source of grief, anger, fear, or disgust — could also inspire one to find the answer

Degrees of emotion may have different names. We could say “very angry” or we could say “enraged” or “infuriated” instead.

Categories for the sources of emotions:

  • Proactive
  • Responsive
  • Reactive

Categories and subcategories for the types of emotions:

Reinforcing

  • Happiness
  • Tranquillity
  • Confidence
  • Affection
  • Gratitude
  • Enthusiasm
  • Dignity
  • Amusement
  • Encouragement
  • Inspiration
  • Respect
  • Compassion

Guarding

  • Grief
  • Disgust
  • Anger
  • Fear

Conditional

  • Intensity: Extreme – Slight
  • Energy: Excitement – Calmness – Draining
  • Desire: Good – Preference – Evil
  • Attention: Awe – Oblivious – Scorn
  • Care: Enthusiasm – Apathy – Antagonism
  • Interest: Multiply attention times care

emotionalintelligence-1

This diagram is intended to represent the proximity, not the size, of the four components of emotional intelligence (savvy), a.k.a., people smarts. Self awareness supports all of the abilities, but what we really want, ultimately, is healthy relationships. If you have a database of customers and business partners, then you could call this “relationship management” instead of “healthy relationships,” but that might be too cold for your liking.

Foundation of character virtues:

  • Humility — the chief of character virtues
  • Courage — valour — “Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point.” — C. S. Lewis

Columns of character virtues which vertically support the foundation of humility and courage, and reach down to the bedrock:

  • Generosity — selfless — charitable — helpful
  • Forgiveness — grace — mercy
  • Compassion — grace — mercy
  • Gratitude
  • Kindness — politeness — friendliness
  • Integrity — ethics — honesty
  • Authenticity
  • Diligence — grit — conscientious — resolve — perseverance — tenacity — discipline
  • Justice
  • Honour — reverence
  • Prudence: good judgement based on wisdom (wholesome knowledge)
  • Love: verb; action based on desiring what is best for another person
  • Frugality — economy — stewardship
  • Dignity — respectability — cleanliness
  • Temperance — patience — sobriety — moderation
  • Fidelity — devotion — dependability — trustworthy — loyal
  • Joy — spirit — enthusiasm — humour — wit — happiness
  • Initiative — ambition — hunger — industriousness — resourcefulness — adaptability — creativity
  • Responsibility — earnest — gravity — loyalty — reliability
  • Faith — belief — trust — hope — peace — optimism

Bedrock of principles — truth — universal laws

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